Working a full-time job during the week, being a full-time mom AND working a part-time job on the weekends is a REAL PAIN IN THE ASS! I am frickin' exhausted...

I wish I got paid more for working the part-time job, but it has other benefits. If I mentioned them, you might figure out my identity (other than a raving lunatic), so I shall not mention them.

DAMMIT, life has so many ups and downs. Just when you think your head is above water, some BIG ASS wave comes and pushes you right back down. Sometimes, it's even a RIPTIDE that gets hold of you. Ever been stuck in a riptide? That had to be the damn scariest thing. Worse than being in a car accident. At least in an accident you have air bags and seat belts...in a riptide, you have absolutely nothing!

My best friend and I got stuck in one, oh, about 15 years back...in Manhattan Beach--beautiful place. We were just hangin' out in the surf and noticed we kept getting farther and farther away from the beach, and farther and farther North of our stuff. No matter what direction or how hard we swam, we couldn't get anywhere...then the waves hit. They come up fast, hard...over and over and over. We got SLAMMED down on the ocean floor, then sucked back out to the ocean by the amazingly strong tide...over and over and over. The only reason I was able to get a breath was from pushing with all my might to pop up and grab a quick breath once in a while. We eventually got shoved up close enough to the shore and started crawling along the ocean floor until we got pushed up on the beach by the waves...needless to say, we had to search in the water for our bikini tops. HELL, at that point we didn't care that we were topless...just so happy to be alive! Besides, our boobies were still nice and perky back then. It was exhausting...lasted about 15-20 minutes. I now know what it feels like to drown. Effen' ugh.

Hmmm, no comments on my blog...I know, I know, it's new. Will take some time before (or if) anyone ever finds it. Doesn't matter--it's really a journal anyway, isn't it? An anonymous journal.

My husband (then boyfriend) found my journal once, when I used to keep a hard copy journal. Damn, that sucked. There was SO MUCH stuff in there about so many different people, emotions, events. I have never written in a journal since--I've written stuff down then torn it up, but I can't bear the thought of someone reading my journal again. BAS-TURD. Broke up with him over it...asked for the key back (had a key, even though he didn't live there.) It didn't last long. Me loved the boy! Still do...mostly...sometimes...half and half. Depends on the day, or the time of day.

I've had a blog before, but people actually knew how to find and read it...people I may want to BITCH about now, so now I can do it freely!

Let's start with my PET PEEVES:
-OLD PEOPLE, IN GENERAL (their driving being the worst)
-NEGATIVE PEOPLE!
-CONDESCENDING PEOPLE!
-LAME FRIENDS WHO ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES
-LAME FAMILY MEMBERS WHO ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES
-UGLY/DIRTY FEET (I know, what a weird order these are in)
-STEPMOTHERS! (does anyone have one who isn't a witch?)
-LAZY PEOPLE
-DOG PEE ON INAPPROPRIATE LOCATIONS (couch, floor, etc.)
-CAT POOP (love the cats, but DAMN does their poop stink)
-TUMBLEWEEDS
-DARK, UNDER EYE CIRCLES
-PIMPLES! (how frickin' old do you have to be for them to stop?)
-POOR CUSTOMER SERVICE (is there at least 1 good waiter out there?)
-MOUTHY, DISRESPECTFUL KIDS (that would apply to others' kids)
-BANKS (bastards)
-MEAN PEOPLE (I'll get into that more later)
-POLLUTION
-TROOPS STILL OVER AND BEING DEPLOYED TO IRAQ!
-LAUNDRY (does it ever end?)

Hmmm...that's it for now--I have too many to list in one session. Otherwise, I start dwelling on them and get all irritated for no reason.

The title of my blog comes from an album by Tracy Bonham...I'm sure pretty much no one has heard of her. She's kinda alternative/punk, and maybe 1 of her songs has made it on radio (I could be wrong.) Anyway, she kicks ASS. Man-bashing, mother-bashing...mmmm, good.

The title is perfect for me...I feel I've been "cursed" since birth, to suffer a life of pain, more downs that ups, tons of ONGOING heartache...etc., etc.

My life so far has definitely been a burden. It's caused me to suffer with terrible depression. Don't get me wrong--there have been "ups." My 2 kids being the most wonderful up of all...I love them so much. I wish my past and current life was better so I could be a better mom for them. They love me to death--what a blessing. Sometimes I don't know why, but I'm really thankful for their love because it's all that keeps me going.

Humpf. Will write more (lots more) hopefully later today or tomorrow--this already made me feel better.